Why I wasn’t hoping for a daughter

Thank you for all your love after our big announcement a couple weeks back! We are pregnant with baby #4, and…………… SHE IS A GIRL! *insert all the shocked emojis here*

Well, the shock waves are still vibrating over here, and probably will be for a while.

After having 3 sons (ages 2, 4 and 5), we just learned that we are pregnant… with a daughter!

As always, I’m keeping it real.

We are grateful, happy and excited.

We want a healthy baby.

But I realized something after our gender reveal.

And I’m going to own it.

I wasn’t hoping for a daughter. 

Some of you with 3 kids of the same gender might understand this.

Once I had my third son, I had kind of resigned myself to only having boys. At first, it wasn’t a choice. And then it was. I grew to love it. No, I grew to adore it. I just love living in a little boys’ world. The trucks, the wild play, the bugs, the bike rides. The fact that they all share clothes and toys and, yep, one room.

I love that they all kind of look the same. And they mirror each other. And they are brothers.

To be honest, I love my life as a boy mom, and I never thought it’d be any other way.

Without realizing it, “boy mom” became part of my identity.

Part of who I thought I was.

Like, “Hi, I’m Janie. I have 3 sons.”

I think every mom traces her identity to her children in some way. And because I have 3 sons, which is somewhat rare, #boymom became my calling card without my realizing it. (And you better believe, my favorite hashtag! *wink*)

Naturally, I kind of just expected that baby #4 would be a boy too.

And so, when that pink smoke started shooting out of the smoke bomb in our backyard, my first thought was, ‘This is a mistake. Kellie [our friend who came over to capture the reveal] must’ve grabbed the wrong one.’

But it’s not.

And like anything you’re not expecting, well… it was shocking.

It was stunning.

It was surprising.

As the days go by, it’s sinking in.

A few times since, I’ve even been brave enough to say the words, “I will have a daughter.”

And now that it’s been a couple weeks, I can honestly say that I’m really excited.

But at first, I’ll be honest. I wasn’t sure how I felt.

Let me be clear, I’ve never been “sad” that I’m having a girl. I am grateful that we have a healthy baby. Period.

But, I did shed a few tears the first night I found out because… well, I was confused. I don’t know what to expect. It wasn’t what I was expecting. It’s new. It’s scary. And like so many things in parenthood, and life in general, it reminded me that I have no control.

I know some of you will say, ‘Why would you write this in a blog? Don’t you know your daughter will read this one day?’

Yep, I absolutely do. Like all things I share here, from when my kids are being animals to when I hate being a mom, I always think of the repercussions that will come when my children can read this honest, public journal I’ve kept through their childhood.

But here’s the thing.

I’d tell her this anyway.

As a mom, I want to be honest and transparent, even when it’s not convenient or fun. “Yeah honey,” I’ll say, maybe as we go shopping or get our nails done (this is sounding more fun already!), “I wasn’t expecting a daughter. So, it was shocking at first. And now I love it, and I love you, and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

I know it will be true.

I also know that another child in our family simply adds to the blessing, rather than taking any away.

And so, I am I told I need to embrace “all the pink” and do the shopping and get the bows.

I still don’t like pink.

And that’s okay.

I know I will love HER.

Thanks for reading this post, and I hope your comments are kind. It’s not easy to honestly share your heart, but I did it because I’m betting some of you have felt the same emotions. What are your best tips for raising a daughter? I’m all ears, and I’ll be checking below, and on the Facebook page, for your comments.

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