Sometimes, random parenting hacks make for really awesome life choices. Here’s the short list of some of the highly inappropriate things I let my kids do.
Scroll to the bottom of this post to watch an emotional Facebook Live about the beauty in unexpected pivots, and my favorite memories of my inappropriate parenting choices.
1. Pee anywhere
Literally I don’t even feel bad about this one, and if you haven’t tried it, I feel bad for you. I have 4 children, and if one of them needs to pee, we cannot stop the car, get out and find a bathroom. Well… I mean, I guess we could, but who has time for that?
We’ve handled the peeing anywhere. An empty water bottle in the car, the side of a moving boat, the grass area in the Target parking lot. At this point, when my boys are playing outside, it’s weird if they come inside to use the toilet. I will say, it does get awkward when you get a note home that your kid peed on the preschool playground, or you’re at the ice cream shop with friends and look over to see one of them letting it go on the outside of the building. Hey, at least he didn’t make me get up and take him to the bathroom. Winning.
2. Watch all the inappropriate movies
Top Gun, Rambo, you name it. In defense of mediocre parents everywhere, can we just get a break? I’ll level with you. I really don’t like that my 5-year-old is watching Tom Cruise make out with Charlie, but hear me out: IT IS KEEPING HIM OCCUPIED. I’m not proud of this one but what can you do? Desperate times, especially this year. Watch all the inappropriateness, kids. You will be seeing it sooner or later.
3. Get locked outside
Okay this isn’t really something I let my kids do, it’s more something I do to them. If they are being nasty to each other, I will literally send one of them outside and lock the door behind them. That’s right. I lock them out of the house. It’s like a timeout but outside. I will say it does a number on resetting their behavior, and I don’t feel bad about it one bit.
4. Play in a cage
Calm down. I’m just kidding. I’m talking about the playpen. Seriously, can someone please bring back the number one parenting tool of the 80’s? Actually, I already did. I love this so much I’ve written whole posts about it. Lock them up. It’s better than a huge bottle of red wine shattering on your tile (seriously, go read the post).
5. Say no to hugging
Nothing makes my skin crawl more than watching an adult (especially those in the older generations) force one of my kids to hug someone. If they don’t want to hug them, don’t make them! Do you hug people if you don’t want to? Nope. The end.
6. No shoes
We lose shoes everywhere. My kids shed them everywhere. And then they go missing (the shoes, not the kids… usually *wink*). Out into the ocean at high tide, under a seat in the Suburban for 6 months, you name it. So sometimes if we are just going to a friend’s house or the beach, I don’t just let my kids leave the house without shoes. I make them leave the house without shoes. Weird, I know. But you’re reading this post and I’m betting you’re weird too. *another wink*