6 Secrets from inside my Suburban (& every minivan in America)

Whether or not they want to admit it, moms see a lot go down on the inside of their minivan or Suburban. Here’s a glimpse inside the average mom’s mobile office.

1. Car seats double as restraining chairs.

6 Secrets from Inside My Suburban (& What Happens Inside Every Minivan in America) SheJustGlows.com

When you’re a mom of toddlers and preschoolers, you soon learn that there’s really no way to keep them in one place, except when you’re in the car and they’re strapped into their car seats. Sometimes, you utilize this wisdom to properly put on their shoes and socks (which they’ll kick off and you’ll then put back on about 17 times before you arrive at preschool). Other times, the car seat becomes a dental chair, and you legit brush their teeth while they’re strapped in, since they refused to do it 20 minutes earlier in the bathroom. (I told you on the Facebook page that even my dentist does this.) Motherhood doesn’t have to be pretty. Only the inside of our minivans know how ugly it really is.

2. There’s always room for a makeshift bathroom. I love my Suburban because there’s so much extra interior space that there’s no shortage of ways to handle an emergency potty situation. From sippy cups to snack cups to Mom’s empty Starbucks cup, when push comes to shove, there aren’t many things a 3-year-old boy can’t pee into if the need arises. (Or, perhaps, a pregnant woman who just pulled up to the park-with-no-bathroom with 2 anxious toddlers inside. Thank you, tinted windows. As you know, there’s no shame in my game.)

3. On a given day, the back storage space can house a range of unrelated, and totally nasty, items. This can include dirty diapers, copious amounts of groceries, double strollers and even travel potties. ‘Cause sometimes, when you gotta go, you gotta go. And it’s always a plus when you can pull the Suburban over, bust open the back hatch and let the kid do their business while also watching for seagulls.

6 Secrets from Inside My Suburban (& What Happens Inside Every Minivan in America) SheJustGlows.com

Even with the third row of seats up, my Suburban has tons of storage space in the back, enough for a double stroller plus much more (unlike my friends’ SUVs). This is one of the main reasons I went with a Suburban instead of the luxury SUV I first thought I wanted. Which means that, when we go on vacation, I can pack as much crap as I want. #momwin

It also means the kids can do as much nasty kid stuff as they want, and I can clean it up easily.

4. The back seat is an excellent spot to nurse, or let the kids take an impromptu nap. Again, tinted windows. Add in some AC, some happy tunes and enough Goldfish snacks to go ’round, and I’ve just created a good 15 minutes during which I can nurse the newborn in the backseat while the other 2 are buckled into their car seats. Ingenuity at its best, people. I anticipate doing this a lot this summer. So if you live in my town and happen to see a black Suburban randomly parked at various parks and parking lots in the middle of the day, with the motor running, you know who’s inside. Come say hi. Actually, don’t. I’m in my happy place.

5. When there are tantrums, sometimes, the music just gets turned up. Really loud.

Moms are excellent at tuning out the madness that is their own children. Especially if no one else can hear it, and there’s a great Snoop Dogg song on the radio that totally goes with your I’m-so-done mood.

6 Secrets from Inside My Suburban (& What Happens Inside Every Minivan in America) SheJustGlows.com

These are also the times that I’m really glad Chevy put plastic backing on the back of the front seats. ‘Cause sometimes, those feet get a floppin’.

6 Secrets from Inside My Suburban (& What Happens Inside Every Minivan in America) SheJustGlows.com

6. If I’m driving and the kids are quiet, I’m in my own version of Nirvana.

6 Secrets from Inside My Suburban (& What Happens Inside Every Minivan in America) SheJustGlows.com

And, when I’ve got my favorite cup of coffee to boot, I basically consider the driver’s seat of my Suburban to be better than the best spot at the world’s greatest coffee bar. My music’s playing, all is peaceful and it’s totally irrelevant that we have absolutely nowhere to go. So, I say something like, “Kids, we’re going to drive around, and pull into the parking lot of every single fire station in town.” Just so I can enjoy this cup of coffee and a few minutes of peace while sitting in my comfy leather driver’s seat. By 5 minutes in, I won’t even remember that I was woken up at 5:40am to a toy airplane being pressed into the side of my cheek, and that our entire household was then terrorized by an hour-long search for a 3-inch toy car.

So, my friend, look for me on the road. I’ll be the one wearing her pajama shirt, dark sunglasses and clutching a Starbucks coffee for dear life.

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

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