This post was written in response to a recent letter, written by a stay-at-home mom to other stay-at-home moms. This is NOT a rebuttal of her argument. In fact, I agree with all of her points. But, I want to add one more.
Dear Stay-at-Home Moms,
Please DON’T shut up.
I know that, recently, a fellow stay-at-home mom wrote a letter to you, saying the opposite. But I wanted to follow up to let you know that you’re doing great. And it’s okay that your life isn’t perfect.
I’ll start by validating many of the points that the other mom made. This letter will not tear her down, and does not seek to disprove anything she said. She’s right. We can complain less, and we should. We are lucky that we’re able to stay home, and we should remember that. Absolutely. Her arguments are absolutely valid and on-point. This isn’t meant to start a war with this other mom, or those who agree with her message. I am one of them.
But I want to add to it.
We are all moms, we are all doing the best we can, and we all deserve to build each other up.
That’s why I’m saying to you, stay-at-home mom, it’s okay.
It’s okay that, even though you stay home, you sometimes complain about your snotty yoga pants.
It’s okay that, even though you stay home, you don’t enjoy being coated in baby barf, piss or crap everyday.
It’s okay that, even though you stay home, you sometimes wish you could be anywhere but with your kids.
For some reason, our society really likes to shame stay-at-home moms, especially those who don’t seem to have it all together. Or, who don’t love every moment. Or, who aren’t completely, 100 percent happy and content. Or, yes, who complain.
The funny thing is, if we had high-profile jobs in the outside world and were complaining about working an 80-hour work week, we’d get nothing but pity, you’re so amazing and how do you do it?
But if we’re complaining about dirty dishes and snotty yoga pants, sometimes we’re told to just shut up.
She’s right. We should be grateful that we’re able to stay home and stay in our pajamas until noon. But, isn’t parenthood full of contradictions? We can love our newborn but hate midnight feedings. We can love our toddler but hate his tantrums. We can love our children but hate the daily grind of raising them.
She’s right. We really shouldn’t complain.
But just like her, and everyone else in this world, we’re human.
And we don’t all love our jobs, 100 percent of the time.
So please, don’t shut up.
Have the courage to be real about your struggle, even if others think it’s frivolous. Have the audacity to admit your life isn’t perfect (in a culture obsessed with perfection), even if that means exposing that you don’t have it all together. Have the humility to be boldly authentic, because it will probably remind another mom that she doesn’t need to pretend she’s got it all together either.
Keep on at it. You’re doing a great job.
But maybe, just complain a tad less.
A Stay-at-Home Mom Who Doesn’t Love Her Job Everyday