Dear Gen Z, These skinny jeans are paying your phone bill

Gen Z is claiming skinny jeans, side parts and the laughing tears emoji are old. I’m calling “entitled kids” on this one.

First of all, before you get all offended on this post, calm down. You don’t need to get upset by everything you read.

This is my playful opinion, and nothing more. There are plenty Gen Z’s I love, but I can’t let this one go without clapping back.

Dear Gen Z,

I’m not on Tik Tok because I’m over 35, but my Facebook feed is telling me that you’ve decided skinny jeans, side parts and the laughing tears emoji are old.

Here’s the deal with that.

I don’t want to sound harsh because I know your generation can’t take real criticism, but you are not exactly my first choice when it comes to getting life tips.

I know it’s hard to read and respond to emails in a timely manner (even in a professional environment) for you, so I realize this might take some time to process, but your generation does not really exemplify anything I’m trying to bring into my life. So while you’re busy with the arduous task of “cleaning out your inbox,” I’m going to get into some of my life tips for you.

First, respond to a text. SERIOUSLY! Just a double-tap and a thumbs up will do! It really couldn’t be any simpler. You literally don’t even need to respond with WORDS. Just a double-tap! This shows other people you got their message and they can count on you. I know that sounds like a lot of pressure when you’re used to getting a trophy for just showing up to the field, but honestly, Gen Z, do better.

Secondly, it’s my humble suggestion that while you’re sitting on social media critiquing your elders, it might benefit you to actually find a job. A job is a commitment you make to a company who chooses you based on your actual qualifications (not your parents’ connections or your social media fame). Once you earn the job (earning is working for something and being qualified to do so), that employer pays you for doing actual work. You are expected to show up on time and uphold ideals like personal accountability and responsibility. You should really try it. It feels good doing the right thing even when you don’t get rewarded for it.

Oh, and just a heads up: when you show up to work, you aren’t doing your employer a favor. You are actually getting paid to be there. So put your head down and do something hard. Just to warn you because I know it will be confusing, you won’t be told “great job” or “you’re doing amazing” everyday. But just keep working. Because that’s what adults do.

On that note, getting up at 8 a.m. is not “getting up early.” When I was your age, after graduating with honors from high school and college, and getting married, I started a career at 21 where I woke up at 12:30 a.m. to work all night and then anchor a morning show. I never once felt bad for myself. I was thrilled to have that job, even though it paid $21,000 a year. I never once expected a raise or for my boss to compliment me or thank me for getting up in the middle of the night. It was hard work, and let me tell you, it’s an amazing feeling. Even when you don’t share about it on your feed.

Finally, Gen Z, you’re totally adorable but fashion advice is not what the world needs from you. See, my generation has already done the baggy jean thing (you call them boyfriend jeans or balloon pants now or some ridiculousness like that). We rocked it. We did the flannels around our waist too. Yes, it happened. It was cool. It was a moment. It was on point. On fleek. Totally awesome. We nailed it.

Today, we aren’t wearing those. Because here’s the thing about the middle-aged mom bod. (You know, the body that gave you life and brought you into this world? Yeah, that one.) See, we already have the tummy pooch from birthing you, so we can’t let the bottom half of our silhouette go wide as well. So, we do the skinny jean or Spanx leggings and a big shirt or sweater and call it good.

Let me give you some life tips: ANYONE can look good before age 25. You’re not special. I know you can rock the big baggy jeans and a middle part right now, and that’s fine. I get it. Enjoy. Honestly, everyone is their thinnest and freshest when they’re 22 years old. So congratulations, again, for doing nothing.

Here’s the deal. Seriously, though. Enjoy your youth. See your beauty. See your value. See your worth. I’ll be honest: I wish I had. Instead, I spent most of my late teen years and early 20’s wishing I was thinner, more beautiful, smarter and more popular.

You are more than clicks on a photo. You are more than likes on a feed. You are more than an image in a grid.

You are beautiful.

You are growing up in a world that is so different than it was for us. The biggest scandal we witnessed was Britney Spears showing her midriff, and you’re listening to WAP. It’s a scary world. We want you to be careful and safe.

But also just give me a freaking break and respect your elders and the people who are still paying your phone bill. Things like personal accountability and responding to emails and hard work still matter.

Please, get off Tik Tok and go get a job.

And not as an influencer.

Sincerely,

Middle-Aged Moms

Again, this post is meant to be a silly counterpoint to the conversation happening on social media right now. Don’t get crazy on me! It’s not that serious. Join the conversation on Facebook and Instagram!

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