In the last several years, I’ve noticed that Satan gets a foothold when I doubt myself. Here’s how I fight back.
Scroll to the bottom of this post to watch a Facebook Live where I touch on comparison and the lies we let ourselves believe.
The kids had just left for school and the baby was still sleeping. I walked past a milk-splattered kitchen counter and mounds of dirty clothes to collapse onto the couch for a few minutes of peace.
And I grabbed my phone.
Without even thinking, my 10 minutes of alone time started on Instagram, with the familiar scroll past hundreds of strangers to see what amazing lives they were living today.
One woman, probably a size 2, was eating a whole cheese pizza at a sidewalk cafe in Italy while her adorable toddler watched in awe.
Another square showed a happy family of 8, playing in the hose, laughing uncontrollably and clearly living a much better life than mine.
I kept scrolling to see a blogger who’d started her journey after mine with a huge sponsor she was sharing about in her latest post. I clicked to her feed to see her follower count, and my heart sank.
30 thousand? I thought to myself. I’ve been doing this for 6 years and I have a quarter of that. She just started a year ago, and she already has that many followers?
I cringe to write that. But those were my honest thoughts. I wasn’t happy for her. I didn’t smile. I was comparing. And I was jealous.
It made me feel less than.
For the next few months, I withdrew from my blog.
What’s the point? No matter what I do, I’ll never have 30-thousand followers.
But at the heart of my sorrow wasn’t a number on my Instagram feed. It was a dread that I wasn’t good enough. And I didn’t belong here.
I may have felt it on social media.
Maybe you feel it when you see that number on the scale. And your stomach sinks when you think about all the hard work you’ve put in to get off the baby weight. Maybe I’ll never get back there.
Maybe you feel it when you pick up your child from school. The anxiety of seeing other moms, who seem to have the easiest friendships you’ll never have.
Maybe you feel it watching a sitcom or reality TV show, and see an attractive family who seems so unified and close. And yours is hundreds of miles away.
Whatever it is, Satan loves it.
I realized about 2 years ago that Satan uses my insecurities to block my talents.
In my case, my gift is writing and encouraging you, loving you and reminding you that you’re not alone.
But over and over, he’s attacked this platform.
He reminds that I’ll never have that many followers.
The truth is, Who really cares? If I’m impacting people that’s all that matters.
But I forget that truth and believe him. That I’m not pretty or classy enough for that many people to want to hear what I’m saying.
He reminds me that I’m not thin or pretty enough.
The truth is, yes I am. I Am Enough, just the way I am, no matter what I look like.
He reminds me that I’ll never have a huge sponsor because I’m too extra. *wink*
The truth is, I don’t put time into seeking sponsorship, and regardless, my message matters, and one day maybe the right sponsor will come.
He attacks my confidence. And in this way, he silences my gifts.
You see, Satan loses his power over our self-confidence when we realize what he’s doing. Because we can remind ourselves of the truth.
You are enough.
You are beautiful.
I believe in you.
Do me a favor. Think about your biggest gifts in this life. And ponder if they have ever been attacked. I’m willing to bet that, at some point, Satan has tried to minimize your impact.
Don’t let him.
Come on over to the Facebook page to share your thoughts on this topic, and if you feel led, ask to join our closed Facebook group where you can post and get connected to other mamas. We’re all in this together.