My screen-free breastfeeding struggle

Thanks to Target for sponsoring this post! But, as always, all opinions are mine, and I only write about products I already use and love.

I’ll be honest. I was really dreading nursing this one. Not because I anticipated problems with latching, milk supply or sore nipples (although I did use The Honest Company’s organic nipple balm for the first few days).

But, being my third child, I was nervous about breastfeeding because I knew how hard it would be to keep the toddlers occupied while I sat and nursed the baby.

Turns out, the older boys have been fine.

Great, actually.

But I’ve struggled with something else.

A constant and nagging compulsion to constantly scroll on my cell phone while I’m nursing.

When I sit down to feed, I bring the phone with me, reasoning that I’ll just check my email and make sure no one’s texted me.

I’ll just look at it for a couple minutes and then I’ll stop.

I know I really want to be looking at my beautiful boy’s eyes as he feeds.

Before I know it, he’s done.

And I’m pinning an exotic resort in Thailand that I’ll never visit. I’ve already been through my texts, emails, Facebook and Instagram.

That quality time is gone.

And I just wasted it, staring at the screen of a mobile device. Scrolling through social media feeds.

I was physically there, but totally not present. (The hubby and I have had the same problem when we’re trying to connect as well.)

It’s not that my cell phone is bad. It’s just that it cheapens the moment. And the fact is, it doesn’t need to be there.

Because I totally just missed that special baby moment that God has gifted me with.

Where I physically cannot do anything else.

But gaze into this perfectly innocent newborn face.

A sliver of Heaven that’s sitting right on my lap.

A perfect moment, created just for my baby and me.

(Seriously, right?)

It’s sooooo easy to swipe my finger and activate the screen that holds so much. My friends’ Facebook updates, that blogger’s Instagram photos, text messages from my sister, a few emails about the site. All things that I’m excited to look at, that do enrich my life in some way.

But not more than my children.

I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, but it really is a struggle.

Because, the truth is, I want to be efficient. And with 3 kids under 4, nursing seems to be the only time of the day when I’m forced to slow down. Because I can’t get up and switch the laundry. Or sweep the floors. Or do the dishes.

I have to sit.

So, what I’ve tried to start doing is purposely leaving my phone out of the nursing routine.

During day feedings, I sit screen-free with the baby and just nurse. While the baby’s eating, I sit on the couch and talk to his brothers about the Lego airport they’re building, or what they did at vacation Bible school.

(Now, let me be real. I’m not always able to do this. Buuuuuut, I do manage it about half the time during the day.)

I’m in the moment. And it feels great.

During overnight feedings, I try not to be on my phone at all. (And, I’m finding it has an added benefit: it really aids in helping me fall back to sleep.)

Rather than the glow of a cell phone screen, the room is dark and I look into my baby’s eyes.

I whisper that I love him, and that I’m so grateful he’s here.

I tell him he’s so special.

And I thank God for gifting me with this sacred moment with this perfect little person.

Where it feels like me and my baby are the only people in the world.

These are the important moments that I’m trying to savor as I work off the baby weight.

About a month ago, I started working out again. (I’m blessed that my husband gets up with the kids so that I can get to 6am boot camp every weekday.) But I noticed that with the grueling workouts and super clean eating, my milk supply was really starting to drop. I remembered I had a bottle of The Honest Company’s lactation boost, so I started popping 2 pills a day and immediately noticed there wasn’t a problem anymore.