Don’t knock at naptime or I will punch you in the face

To everyone coming to my door,

At naptime, I am Mama. Hear me roar.

And for you, I have one request. Something you mustn’t do, or I’ll be perplexed.

Don’t knock at naptime. Or I will punch you in the face.

That’s right, chicken sh$%. For this, there is no grace.

I just want to know what’s so hard about leaving my door alone. When the white noise is on and kids are in their zone.

UPS man, FedEx and even the mail man, what the frackage? Why must you ring the doorbell, just to walk away, when I have a package?

Uggg, it makes me so mad my blood just boils. Because all day, I’ve been chasing toddlers and things they’ve soiled.

I just wanted part of my day to have a lull. But you, you’ve ruined it. You little troll.

It’s the only time, all day, I get to be alone. So, please. Do forgive my b%tchy tone.

But you ignored my little sign. Asking all who come, to not the doorbell chime. Really, Sir, this time is mine. And now, I think I need some wine.

All I want to do is put my feet up. But you. You big fat jerk, you’ve just killed my luck.

Because whenever you come, early or late, our chihuahua hears your awful gait.

And runs like hell through the house, barking like she’s found a mouse. The frenzy wakes my 2 boys up. And now, my day is over. So, thanks for that. Numb nuts.

So again, I’ll tell you. At naptime, steer clear of my home base.

If you don’t, I might just punch you in the face.

Sincerely (but not so nicely) yours,

A lady who doesn’t want you at her door