Things people say to moms of boys

Okay, I’ll be toooootally honest.

With our second child, I was really upset when I found out it was a boy. Like, I wore a pink dress to the ultrasound and already had girl names picked out. By the time our third rolled around, it didn’t matter. We’ll take a healthy child, thank you. And to be honest, my husband and I were more relieved than anything when we found out it was a boy.

I’m gonna shoot straight, like I always do, and what I’m about to say may surprise you.

I really, truly, absolutely LOVE being a boy mom!

Please, don’t feel sorry for me or take pity! (Okay, maybe pity sometimes.)

But seriously, being a mom of boys is really super duper awesome, and here’s why:

1. I have all the clothes.
2. Penises don’t scare me.
3. No weddings to pay for.
4. I’m the Queen of the house (for my entire life).
5. On that note, when my husband is gone, I’ll still have 3 grown men to take care of me (as long as I’m not too horrible of a mother-in-law).
6. No teenage girl attitudes to deal with.

But, still, when you’re a mom of boys (and in my case, 3 boys under 4 years old), people always have something to say when they see you coming down the street. Or around the aisle at Publix. Or into the bank. Or in the hair salon… kidding, ’cause that like never happens (seriously, you should see my roots right now).

Here are some of my favorite mom boy comments:

“Did you want a girl?” Hands down, most-asked question. Regardless of your real answer, the safest response is no. Unless you’re down with a 12-minute conversation with a total stranger in the line at the post office.

“Were you trying for a girl?” Well, this one was a surprise, so technically, we weren’t trying for anything. But again, I’m gonna stick with my initial directive and just say no. Let’s avoid the personal and lengthy diatribe, person-I-don’t-know. In the middle of the bank lobby. ‘Cause no one needs to hear about my lack of birth control methods this early on a Tuesday.

“You must have your hands full.” Noooooo, me? What part of watching me pry a Spiderman flashlight out of the preschooler’s hand while peeling a toddler tantrum over vanilla Goldfish off the floor of Target, all while simultaneously trying not to drop the upside-down newborn out of his Tula, didn’t totally give that away? (But seriously, those vanilla Goldfish are like toddler crack. They become crazy. Blood will be shed.)

“3 boys?!?” (scared face) Yes, I fear for myself most days. In fact, I actually make that face every morning when I wake up. Kidding. I know it’s shocking, but I actually don’t hate my life. Boys are freaking awesome.

“Is this your last?” I’m gonna go ahead and refer you to the vanilla Goldfish telenovela above. You can draw your own conclusion.

“Will you keep trying for a girl?” You mean, do I want more kids? Let me go ahead and take 20 minutes to answer that while you walk all 3 of my children to the car in the parking lot. ‘Cause it’s 107 degrees outside, and lunchtime was 45 minutes ago and the baby’s hungry and the boys are about to go ape sh%t in the line at Publix, while I buy bananas and vanilla Goldfish and talk to you, all while forgetting the one item I originally came in here for, which is milk. But no, let’s stop all of this, so I can answer that very personal question for you, old-lady-I-don’t-know. Then, after I finish my detailed and thorough explanation, you’ll start into the real reason you asked the question. Which was to tell me about your grandson, or your daughter’s boss, or your neighbor’s cousin, who had 3 kids of one gender, and then on the 4th, “They got their (insert girl/boy here)!” Wow, that’s great! So, there IS hope that we could get the girl we aren’t hoping for!

“Boys are easier than girls. You won’t have the drama.” I’m sure that’s true when they’re teenagers, but let’s get you acquainted with 3 boys under 4 years old at dinnertime. Go ahead and check in with me around 5:30pm. Every single day.

“Were you hoping it was a girl?” Very similar to questions already listed, but I’m throwing it in for effect. Because it really is a different version of the same question every time.

“You know what causes that, right?“ Another question I get all the time, mostly from old men (like, I wrote a whole post about it). Of course, this one has nothing to do with the fact that they are all boys, and is more because there are 3 of them under 4. Really, reaaaaaaaally trying to think of a good comeback to this one, but for now, I just dish out a fake laugh and walk away. Please send me your best comebacks. Immediately.

“Your house must smell like urine.” I buy a lot of Fabuloso. (True story.)

“Well at least you have all the clothes.” Yes, very true. And also the line I throw out whenever I need to preempt a negative boy comment.

“There’s a special place in Heaven for people like you.” I would have to agree. (I actually really like this one and sometimes say it to other moms of boys I like.)

“Wow. You are busy.” Understatement of the year, but of course, mom-reading-this-post, you already know that. In fact, as I type this, I’m wearing the baby in a Baby Bjorn, standing in the living room next to our bookshelf-turned-dresser-for-the-third-kid,  because it’s the exact right height to work on my laptop while standing up. What’s that? You liked that story and want more? Sure, here’s another one: the other day, I actually caught myself holding a crying baby, while brushing my teeth with my electric toothbrush and walking around my living room picking up Legos with my feet. Multitasking never looked so… disturbing.

“Wow. Bless you.” (scared face) Yes, please do. I need it.

Do you have any to add? Share them in the comments section. Oh, and I totally want to do a girl version of this post (but clearly have zero experience with that), so send me those too and I might use them in a future post!