Oh my gosh you guys, I’m WRITING again! I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to put my fingers to these keys right now. I’ve missed you, and I’ve missed writing. In the last 7 weeks, we’ve renovated a house and moved. Now that we’re settled, I wanted to share about a moment last week when everything just fell into perspective.
I’d known I was on the brink for a few days.
Overwhelmed, overworked, more scatter-brained than ever.
We’d just finished renovating a home, we’d moved in and now my in-laws were staying with us to help with the kids as we prepared for 4 more family members to visit for a family event in a few days.
I was maxed out.
And all I wanted was for my fridge to work.
(Isn’t always the simplest things?)
While we’d owned the house for 5 weeks of renovations, we hadn’t really used the fridge during that time, and so it wasn’t until we moved in that I realized it wasn’t cooling anything.
On moving day, exhausted and depleted, I forced my brain to think and my eyes to open so that I could go online and buy a fridge.
I was so tired, I didn’t even care what it was. (Maybe some of you who have renovated understand? It was the end of the project. I just didn’t care. I just wanted to be done. Point and click and put in my credit card number. I can smell the finish line.) I didn’t look at features or gadgets. I didn’t read Consumer Reports or even look at reviews. I just wanted a freaking fridge that would cool food and fit into the space in my kitchen.
That was 2 days ago.
In the meantime, we’d been able to use the garage fridge downstairs, which I was grateful for. But with 3 young boys, I was up and down those stairs multiple times a day. For a cup of milk, to make sandwiches, to grab the coffee creamer. Up and down, up and down.
Without realizing it, all of the things had worn on me.
The renovating, the contractors, the moving, the 3 young kids and now the broken fridge.
It had worn on me and worn on me and worn on me and worn on me.
I just wanted it to be over.
That morning, I jumped for joy when the Home Depot delivery guy texted me to say he was on his way. I gleefully brought all the groceries up the stairs (For the last time! I kept singing in my head), and laid them out on the kitchen counter.
He showed up.
He came up the stairs.
He looked at the old fridge.
And then he said, “You ordered the wrong size.”
I didn’t hear anything else.
I was DONE.
As he climbed into his truck, I closed the front door.
And let it go.
I was overwhelmed.
I was frustrated.
I was tired.
I was done dealing with problems.
I wanted something to work. I wanted to be settled. I wanted to move in and relax.
But I couldn’t.
My mother-in-law walked into the room, and asked how the fridge looked.
I tried to hold the tears back, and all I could do was gasp for breath as I choked out the words, “I just want to be settled.”
And I lost it.
“I am just so tired,” was all I could say, over and over, gasping in between each word.
I felt stupid and I felt broken. And I was so mad. Because this stupid broken fridge had broken me.
I just wanted someone else to fix it but no one could. I knew I’d have to be the one to get back onto the stupid computer again and order another stupid fridge. And I just didn’t want to.
My mother-in-law left the room to check on the kids, and I drew in a deep breath, found a paper towel and held it up to my tear-streaked face.
I looked around the room and groaned as I saw the kitchen counters, full of food that I would, once again, have to carry downstairs.
And then, something switched.
I saw the same picture.
But the message was different.
I have counters full of food.
Lots of food.
Food that I use to feed my family.
Food that I get to buy at the store with money that I don’t have to think about.
In that moment, I realized that I am lucky.
I am lucky to have this stupid fridge problem.
I am grateful.
I am grateful that I have healthy kids who eat my food.
I am glad.
I am glad that I have this problem that I have so much food on the counters that I have to take several trips back down to my stupid garage fridge.
As I looked around the room, still sniffling from my breakdown a few minutes earlier, I felt calm.
I felt peace.
Because, in everything in life, I can fight the challenge.
Or I can find the blessing.
Having food is a blessing. Having a house is a blessing. Having a family is a blessing.
Sure, broken fridges suck.
But sometimes, when things are missing, you’re reminded of just how abundant your life really is.
Find the blessing. And you’ll find the joy.
Once I found the blessing, the rest was easy. Which was a good thing because the next 2 fridges that arrived were damaged (LOL!), but by the fourth fridge, we finally got it right! And that is a huge blessing. Because I’m really sick of stairs. *wink*