This post is part of my series, A Real Picture of Post-Pregnancy, where I document my journey of losing 52 pounds of baby weight, after giving birth to my third baby in 4 years. (For my raw, unedited look at my 10 months of pregnancy, check out my series, A Real Picture of Pregnancy.)
Alright, I’m just gonna own it.
I’m so MAD.
I gained weight this month.
But that’s not even why I’m mad.
I’m mad because I feel like I work really, really hard. And I still gain weight.
(And yes, I did cheat a tad this month, but it wasn’t even anything super bad. Like, a chicken wrap and some of my kids’ fries at Chick-Fil-A. Not 4 pizzas and a whole chocolate cake.)
What the frick?
It’s just NOT FAIR.
Do you ever feel this way?
Why is it that some women look like they’ve never been pregnant, a month after birth? Like, they’re back in their regular pants, and I’m still working to get there, 6 months later.
Ugggg, I’m so mad.
And I’m just taking this moment to own it.
It’s not that I’m mad I gained weight. I’m mad that, sometimes, whether it’s true or not, it seems so much harder for me to lose weight than anyone else.
Anyone with me?
Some of my friends eat pizza and Taco Bell and McDonald’s. They are naturally thin. They don’t get up before sunrise to work out. And they look so great. I work out 5 days a week, eat salads every day for lunch and because of a few mild cheats, I still don’t manage to lose any weight.
Do I need to just eat salads and drink water for the next year, if I want to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight?
I mean, seriously.
What the frick?
Sorry for the venting, but it’s just where I’m at. And I’m gonna own it. I wasn’t planning to be this real in this post, but if there’s one thing I can always guarantee you it’s that I’m going to be authentic. (Plus, that’s the whole whole reason I started this series, first when I was pregnant, and now after baby. There are so many post-pregnancy-is-so-wonderful-look-how-skinny-I-am-4-hours-after-baby posts out there. But, this isn’t that. That’s why I called it A Real Picture of Post-Pregnancy.)
So, this is real.
And here it is.
I’m so angry.
It’s just not fair.
I know that may sound childish and silly. And I know we all have our own issues and our own struggles to overcome. But damn. When it comes to weight loss, I have to work at it. Like, really work at it.
So here’s what happened this month.
Right after my last weigh-in, that weekend was my birthday. And I was ready to be bad. I planned my own party (which was awesome), and decided that I was going to eat and drink whatever I wanted.
A couple weeks later, my parents, sister and her family came into town. My sister and I are best friends, and it was so magical. It was the first time all of our kids were together.
We went to the beach, the park, our favorite coffee shop and tons of other places. At the beach bar, I tried my best to keep it inside the lines. I did order a few vodka cocktails, but I had a veggie plate when everyone else was ordering burgers and fries for dinner. And the awesome part was, I didn’t feel like I was missing out. It was crazy. I actually wanted those veggies.
Despite the visitors, I was also diligent in keeping with my workout routine, even on the days when I wasn’t feelin’ it. (That’s going to 6am bootcamp 4 days a week, and running with a friend at 6am on the fifth day.) My friend recently reminded me of my own motto, which is #justshowup. At the time, it was so refreshing because it means this: as long as I’m physically showing up to these workouts, the results will be there. I don’t need to have to love it everyday. I don’t need to be rested. I don’t need to be feeling great, or even happy to be there. I just need to be there. Showing up is half the battle.
But for me this month, the fact is: just showing up wasn’t enough.
“Just” getting up at 5am to feed the baby, after being up with sick kids, to go sweat my butt off at an hour-long, intense boot camp workout wasn’t enough. “Just” packing my own salads and healthy snacks everyday wasn’t enough. “Just” preparing healthy dinners for the family wasn’t enough.
Because the scale went up.
Girl, I got discouraged.
I got MAD.
After that weigh-in, I skipped boot camp the next day. Then I went to Chick-Fil-A. I texted my running partner, dropping F-bombs left and right. Why is it so hard? It’s not fair. I ate some of my kids’ mac n’ cheese, right out of the pot. I had the husband stop at Trader Joe’s for pizza on the way home. And wine. And cookie butter.
If I’m working this hard and seeing no results, what’s the point? I asked myself.
Since I know myself really well, I knew that I needed to fully experience my anger, and then I’d be able to get over it.
So, I owned it.
And now, I’m over it.
But sometimes, the fitness battle we face just isn’t fair.
And that’s just how it is.
This month’s stats
Pre-pregnancy weight: 148
Birth day weight: 200
Start of plan (1 month postpartum): 186
6 month update: 162 (+2 from last month)
Pounds lost: 38
Pounds to go: 14
Don’t forget to check out my previous posts on my baby weight loss journey to see how far I’ve come!