1. Get more sleep.
2. Get up earlier.
3. #1 and #2 cancel each other out, thus you are always tired.
4. Get the kids to take better naps.
5. Get the kids to go to sleep earlier.
6. Get the kids to sleep in any measurable, or predictable fashion.
7. Ban toddler tantrums.
8. Deal with the toddler tantrums that come from banning toddler tantrums.
9. Learn how to encourage good behavior without enforcing timeouts or punishment.
10. Never mind, that stupid blogger had no idea what she was talking about. Timeouts continue.
11. Potty train.
12. Avoid a fit of rage when realizing that potty-training is a gradual process and could take months.
13. Give up on potty-training because you don’t have time for it, then start again. And hate it.
14. Clean up lots of poop. Dog, baby, toddler. So much that you learn the difference in how each poop smells. #momskill
15. Get breakfast dishes done before dinner.
16. Stop moving the clean laundry from master bed, to dining room table, to laundry couch.
17. Launder clean clothes that toddler has dumped from laundry couch to floor. Because he’s bored.
18. Call your mom. But as soon as you pick up your phone, there is a toddler meltdown, a potty accident, a fight or a request for a snack. Never mind, call mom tomorrow.
19. Start online shopping for next year’s Christmas gifts. Then get overwhelmed with Amazon Mom diaper order and forget what you came to computer for in the first place.
20. Stop living in the car so much.
21. Take kids to church, preschool, friend’s house, doctor’s office, dentist appointments and park playdates. Then, grocery shopping, drycleaners and the produce market where you are almost ticketed for leaving them in the car because you just wanted to get one errand done in less than 45 minutes.
22. #20 and #21 cancel each other out, and you get nothing accomplished while simultaneously living out of your car.
23. Complain less to your husband.
24. Get annoyed that you can’t complain to anyone and ask your husband if you can just complain a little.
25. Exercise more. (This doesn’t include chasing the toddler through the park or hoisting the baby on one hip while exercising origami-of-the-fingers to carry 6 bags of groceries into the house with the other arm.)
On the plus side, if you get to the gym, you can leave the kids in the gym daycare for up to 2 hours.
And that’s a mighty long shower.
What are your mama-related New Year’s resolutions? Let’s laugh together!